www.nytimes.com

Along with terms like “PoMosexual,” `just gay enough” and “flaming heterosexuals,” the word metrosexual is now gaining currency among American marketers who are fumbling for a term to describe this new type of feminized man.

Today’s New York Times: “Metrosexuals Come Out”

STL Commentary:

Good God, this article confirms what all we LA/NY babes feared all along–that we most likely have to venture out into the backwoods of Arkansas to find a real man–and when we do he’ll be polishing his shotgun or buggering the livestock. We have two control groups (using Bush-ese) to blame for this downward evolutionary spiral: gay men and ballbustin’ women. Gay men–God bless all their fabulousness and camaraderie to me for all these years–fashioned themselves, at one point, after straight men (combat boots, flannels, b-boy garb, etc.). So clearly, it seemed only fair that straight men would turn around and emulate traditional gay male attire and style.

Ballbustin’ women are the bridge label of feminine evolution. In deciding to play by a man’s rules “in a man’s world,” appropriating his business ethics, machismo and strengths (instead of the quiet wisdom of her inner-goddess), she forced men into contrived submission. As these men hid in the bathroom in fear–waiting for the woman’s wrath to be over–they turned on the lights, looked around and discovered the La Prairie skin caviar cream. Can we all please stop seeking approval and identity through products and clothing and look to the source? Women have inherent strengths; men have inherent strengths–Yin-Yang, baby. And of course we all have a drop of the other’s energy in us. But we need to start embracing the spiritual core of our genetic basis. All rifle-toting hick quips aside, we don’t need to perpetuate exaggerated gender stereotypes or consciously adopt opposite gender traits. Let’s just get in touch with our root strength (and no, that’s not the latest fragrance by Calvin Klein).

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I’m Feeling Lucky

Image: Alex Grey (www.alexgrey.com)

Who says human beings are totally unrelated to computers? Anyone who can’t see the connection (at least on a paradigm level) is entertaining delusions of grandure. Every day I am reminded by computer language or ‘real life’ situations that parallel computer situations, of the framework we share.

So I submit yet another similarity for your consideration: the Beta Relationship. There is a murky phase that occurs when two people first connect romantically or sexually that is devoid of all the analytical left brain activity that a fully developed relationship entails. There’s still something fresh about it, yet it’s seemingly on a road to nowhere. Could it end in two weeks or two years? Does it really matter? Despite all the questions that pop up this thing, this Beta relationship is spontaneously unfolding like a newly launched web site.

Its success now depends on maintaining interest. If the ’site’ keeps getting traffic (or chemistry, in human lingo) then perhaps it could move out of Beta. But in Beta there are glitches to work out, patterns to set, behaviors to delete. All the greatest problems will be seen in Beta. If, after this whirlwind of chaotic energy, the site doesn’t completely crash, well, then we’ll talk final version and corporate sponsorship.

Apologies for the short respite. I am very undisciplined and let my BLOG slide for this week. But I’m back with the latest BLOGstrology column, and I promise I’ll be more punctual this month. Cheers, STL

This is my sidereal astrology column. It deals with the actual astronomical location of the planets as opposed to using a fixed cycle (as Western Tropical astrology does). To make things simple (since last month’s may have been a bit complicated for most of you non-astro types): if you were born at the beginning of a given sun sign read the horoscope for the sign before yours (for example, you were born July 30th and you’re an ‘early’ Leo, so read Cancer). If you were born towards the end of your sun sign just go ahead and read that sign. Right in the middle? Read the sign before yours.

ARIES

The first half of the month sees you dealing with the um, er, boring logistics of money. This will all come to a head mid-month when issues of joint finance come out (that means anything to do with real estate, taxes, inheritance, trust fund baby-age, etc.) Once you’ve swept all of those issues aside a real shocker threatens to change your position on a friendship or friendship in general. Somebody’s behaving unusually, and it could even be you. This revelation will set the tone for the next six months as you try desperately to reshape your friendships so that they grow in new directions. You may even find yourself discarding certain friends in favor of new and usual people who hold the potential to enrich your life in otherwise unforseen ways. Next month has you blabbing all over town about whatever friendship shocker hit you in June. Hopefully you’ll be smart enough to hear it from the horse’s mouth instead of relying on second hand gossip.

TAURUS

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on. It’s about time to lift off. With last month’s solar eclipse in the house of the bulls, the tone was already set for some action packed months, filled with major changes. Through the middle of the month your mojo is on and it’ll be hard to go out without someone asking for your number or checking you out. This only increases as the weeks go on. By the time the full moon hits, on the weekend of the 14th, some major romantic or sexual situation should be heating up. Oddly enough (and isn’t this always the case), just when you’re feeling too sexy for your shirt is when career/financial matters start to demand attention. A conjunction of Mars and Uranus towards the end of the month may bring unpleasant surprises in your career sector. The emphasis on career will continue through December. Next month’s new moon sheds harsh light on some financial issues that have needed to be tackled. Use that mojo to play the cards in your favor.

GEMINI

This month may not be New Year’s Rockin’ eve but it’s giving you exactly what you need to prepare for a far more active phase in July. The first half of June may see you getting increasingly organized, whether it be in your work or in keeping up with a good exercise routine. You’re also getting your shit together on an emotional level, so I guess you started Spring cleaning late this year. As the month progresses you may find that this emotional sorting out paves the path for a deeper level of understanding. Something may dawn on you like a bolt of lightening. Expect to see Fatima or a dead Indian by the roadside giving you wisdom. Something is about to give way and it’s opening up a whole new level of enlightenment to you that will rock your spiritual world through December. New ideas, foreign viewpoints, general expansions of consciousness will beset you in the coming months. A small warning: the jolt at the end of the month could come in a ‘not so pretty’ form but the results it yields will be gorgeous.

CANCER

There’s a Buddhist saying, “You are not your emotions,” indicating that our spirit is separate from these titillating and sometimes desceptive feelings. But this month you may feel quite the opposite. As the power of the waxing moon picks up speed you’ll feel increasingly romantic and ready for anything. And, in all likelihood you could expect just about anything as Uranus (planet of surprises) taps Mars (passion planet) on the shoulder at the end of June in your house of intimate relations and joint finances. With this cosmic Sid n’ Nancy you never know what you’re going to get–flying plates or heated liaisons. Whatever it is, it’s something that will wake you up for a major growth spurt in this area in the coming months. Joint finances will also be affected. But the predominant theme is your way of connecting intimately with another. This month’s shocks will have you heading into dreamy territory next month. If the conjunction brings a lucky break you’ll be fantasizing about what could come next. If the conjunction is jarring, you may end up analysing your relationship to these sorts of events and the lessons to be learned.

LEO

Take a big long drag off that proverbial cigarette. I know, I know, changes have been popping up in just about every sector of your life. If you’re not there yet, get ready for ch ch ch ch ch changes. The early part of the month sees you getting more and more focused on your home. Perhaps you are suddenly feeling ready to entertain and play host and you want everything to look just right. Or maybe it’s just a product of boredom. Whatever the reason, you’ll be making some home improvements and serving up tapas and sangria w/ valium. Round about the end of the month a real shocker is going to hit your relationship sector. This could be just about anything–a new person in your life, a revelation, a breakup. Whatever it is, it will fuel the fire for your motivations in the coming months. Relationships of all sorts will surely dominate the year. Speaking of which, next month promises to be one of your most social periods of the year, so pop in that cheesey Euro-house mix and get ready to be in-demand.

VIRGO

E.T., phone home. And you’ll have to do better than a modified Speak & Spell device. Communications on the homefront will become increasingly important as the month starts out. They’ll probably boil over mid-month after the full moon, or at least become less impassioned and emotional. Try not to speak unless you absolutely know the consequences of your actions or you could end up sticking that big, clumsy foot in your mouth.
The wild card of the month will actually occur in your house of work and health. Don’t overexert yourself or you could wind up unexpectedly home sick or worse, in the emergency room. Other possible scenarios include changes at work (hirings, firings, new rules, etc.) and a burst of unexplained energy. With the new moon in your career sector, next month promises to shake up that applecart and usher in a whole new phase of opportunities.

LIBRA

Usually when people call you Einstein they mean it in that naggy Peter Brady sort of way, but not this month…Einstein. As the middle of the month approaches you will see a swelling of your mental capabilities and specifically learn how to make money with that noggen of yours. If you’re not exactly dipping into Stephen Hawking’s latest ‘user friendly’ books then this trend could affect you in a more internal way, giving you the much needed security you’ve been craving for months. As Mars and Uranusa conjunct later in the month, anything is possible, if you let it. In other words, sometimes you’ve got to let go of that super-fine intellect of yours just long enough to be swept away by some whimsical surprises in your house of romance and fun. If you don’t let go, you may feel like you’re in a runaway bumper car, careening into a Jumbo Clown head at a fast food drivethru.

SCORPIO

It’s oddly harmonious around these parts. Usually Scorpio country is ridden with manipulations, intrigue and a lot of passionate strife. But this month, you’re polishing those daggers instead of using them. You’re strangely Libra-like-balanced and trying to keep trying situations under control. You’ll need all this Zen-like strength, for later in the month issues on the homefront demand all of your energy and time. Like some brilliantly placid film Asian once said, “wash on, wash off,” let everything roll over your like water. The new moon at the end of the month in your joint finance and intimacy sector means that July could offer greater chances than ever to deepen a certain special relationship. With Venus moving in as well, the intensity could run high. It might be good to let your partner read this horoscope for one small warning: that emotionalism could also take the form of moodiness if it’s not greeted with the appropriate ‘open arms.’

SAGITTARIUS

Take a load off, fanny. You’ve been much too preoccupied with work and your heavy soul-searching. The full moon at the middle of the month should bring about a much needed shift from internal to external. Expect to be communicating (or miscommunicating, depending on where you’re coming from) a lot. Surprise phone calls, grave miscommunications, slips of the tongue that turn everything upside down…they’re all on the agenda as a surprising conjunction hits your mental/communicative sector. You may feel like you’re going mad for a week or so there. But rest assured it’s all happening for a reason. This year you are going to school yourself in new and unusual ways to communicate. Next month could be a good time to put that energy out there as a new moon in your seventh house highlights relationships and partnerships. Others may be surprised at first by your candor, but as the months go by, they’ll adapt.

CAPRICORN

What’s it like to be the life of the party? Do you ever get tired of wearing that lampshade? Of course, they’re coming into fashion. Chuck Berris references aside, the first half of the month sees you in a lighthearted and sociable mood, ready to mingle with the masses. This vibe will increase steadily as you find yourself surrounded by more and more new friends through the middle of the month. By next month you will have tired of these antics and buckled down into serious work mode so get it while you still can. While you might have your head plonked deep in a bowl of spiked punch, some startling changes to your financial situation may sober you up. If this is an area that you’ve put care and caution into, those surprises will be pleasant. If you’ve been neglecting your finances, be prepared for a rude awakening.

AQUARIUS

The first half of the month has you shmoozing like a star. By the weekend of the 14th you’ll be rubbing shoulders with all the right people who can aid you in your grand career schemes. You are right to get the socializing out of the way this month, because July promises an ample amount of work; time to take advantage of those contacts. Be cautious though, towards the end of the month when it comes to driving and drinking and smoking. A conjunction of Mars and Uranus in your first house could cause accidents or injury if you’re reckless. If you take the conscientious road a major gift from the gods could be on its way–something that will make you the center of attention and spotlight all that you have to offer the world. Remember, this year promises to forever reshape your identity as you become open to new and unusual ideas and break out of that mold. Perhaps ’shmoozing like a star’ was indeed an appropriate expression.

PISCES

Conjunction conjunction, what’s your function? Practice this little retro Schoolhouse Rock song this month as a biggy conjunction promises to make your mind look and feel like a lava lamp. Expect sudden realizations, some of them welcome epiphanies, others not-so-friendly skeletons in your emotional closet. The universe is working to help you learn the art of lucid dreaming. You’ll be challended, throughout most of the year to face all those happy, distant dreams as well as those scary demons lurking in your psyche. The end of this month sets up the scenario with a potentially shocking event that will either have you saying, “I get it,” or “It’s got me.” A new moon in the fifth house of fun and romance should be just the chaser you need for July, to get that shocking taste out of your mouth (at least temporarily).