Ok, it’s been about a million years since I’ve blogged and the only sad, pathetic excuse I have is that I’ve been spending all of my online time on the friendly net neighborhood zeitgeist known as Friendster. I can lie and say that it’s a fascinating sociological phenomenon unique to our times and that I, as some sort of pop cultural anthropologist, am attempting to dip my feet in and learn the truth about it. I can tell you that someone twisted my arm into signing up and that now I’m sort of stuck.

The truth is that the whole of hipper Los Angeles seems to be on Friendster and suddenly traffic seems be clearing up in Hollywood. Perhaps, in the middle of the summer heat, everyone is actually opting for evenings in with their ‘online human trading cards.’ I did actually make it out to an event that a Friendster mentioned on a bulletin board message the other night. And if I do end up having a birthday gathering (July 28th for those of you in the dark), I will most certainly post it on Friendster.

I’ve run into real-life friends there that I haven’t seen in years and would probably not have looked up had it not been for this E-nomaly. The question is, where do you draw the intervention line with Friendster? A couple of weeks ago I would have said at “100,” the troops should be called in and some sort of program developing to ween the individual off the network. But now, as the weeks pass and I creep close to a paltry 50, I’m willing to extend that number to “150″…at least for now.

There are several many myths of ideal, fated love. There’s the sick media-activated Prince Charming–ride-off-into-the-Sunset kind that kids are force-fed in the same way religious zealots gorge certain unsuspecting, needy individuals on their doctrines. There’s the flipside to this, the old-fashioned mantra: “sex is not important, you’ll BECOME attracted to your mate, in time, security and loyalty are what matter.” Then, there is a third kind of love that should really not even be talked about, because words can’t describe the experience. It’s a meeting of like spirits, an inherant understanding on a metaphysical level, the soulmate or twin soul relationship. And, of course, there are even more myths, for as long as there are single, lonely people out there, myths will be created.

Joseph Campbell has helped put some vital ideas into focus for me about love, spirituality, relationships and life in “The Power of Myth:”

“The myth tells you what it is. It’s the reunion of the separated duad. Originally you were one. You are now two in the world, but the recognition of the spiritual identity is what marriage is. It’s different from a love affair. It has nothing to do with that. It’s another mythological plane of expierience. When people get married because they think it’s a long-time love affair, they’ll be divorced very soon, because all love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage is recognition of a spiritual identity…It is, in a sense, doing one’s own thing, but the one isn’t just you, it’s the two together as one. And that’s a purely mythological image signifying the sacrifice of the visible entity for a transcendent good.”

But taking Campbell’s idea and running with it a bit, I believe that there are actually two core archetypal loves. There’s the spiritual love that feels ethereal, meant-to-be and other-worldly. It exists in a state of sublime metaphysical perfection, not romantic bliss. That is because the two of you are already married, spiritually married. Few people ever encounter this kind of love but it can completely rock the core of your foundations. It’s not sexual, not romantic, it just is…it exists in its spiritually developed state. You exist already as one entity, who is psychically and spiritually connected at the depths of your being. But with this kind of soul love there is no room for development, trial and error. The recipe has already been tried out and the main course sits there before you with nothing, on a metaphysical level, to put your toil into. It’s quite simply, not of this Earth. As Bryan Ferry sang, in the Roxy Music song, “Just Another High:” “But, marriages made in heaven, can they survive in this life?” These loves are a reminder of a higher spiritual self but they rarely work out because they are a spiritual archetype, a standard to get to with hard work and patience.

The second great arhetype of love involves attraction and a certain tenderness and love towards each other that is quite raw and needs to be developed into something close to that instant pre-baked spiritual love. It’s the tough kind of love that is painful, trying, forces you to stretch yourself, to compromise, to grow, to learn more about yourself and your partner. This is earthly love. Though that term sounds disparaging, it’s not at all. We are earthlings, we live on this Earth, this is our life! Life here on Earth is about developing: agriculture, culture, industry, friendships, creativity, career, city planning…from the most banal to the most scintillating, we have developed this Earth since we’ve resided on it, and also developed our race and our culture. So, it stands to reason that Earthly love cannot possibly begin in that spiritually evolved state. It must get there, the way we do it here on Earth, through time and hard work.

Just as the Toltecs believe that there are two selves, the one we know and the spiritual double, so there are two loves, the earthly one and the spiritual one. Every once in a while the two worlds cross in what I can only describe as cosmic bigamy. It is in this state that we are shocked into awareness, catapulted in another direction, to mature and to grow the way we were meant to.

The relationship between technology and society is pretty much symbiotic but, in the end GOOGLE wins out. If you expected me to go on in some intellectually authoritative tone about the complex interconnection between these two, think again. This is another one of my pro-GOOGLE rants.

In this case, I’m looking at how GOOGLE affects the career path of individuals involved in the media. It’s of my opinion, that GOOGLing someone should not be limited to making sure a potential mate doesn’t have any skeletons in their closet. I’m making a strong case for GOOGling people in the hiring process.

If I were hiring some photographer, writer, publicist, designer, etc. I would go straight to that beautiful minimalist screen and not hesitate to punch in their name in quotation marks just to see what came up. You’d get a much better idea of what a person was all about through this process than through an interview. You can see what weird organizations they’re part of, whether they’ve reviewed any Amazon books and which books, what activities they were part of in school, find weird drunk party pictures of them, see if they’re in the press and of course, see who their weird Internet friends are. Forget about the FBI, kids, GOOGLE is your own personal background checking system…for everything. This was brought to you, not by GOOGLE, but by a tireless, civilian sycophant.

This is my sidereal astrology column. It deals with the actual astronomical location of the planets as opposed to using a fixed cycle (as Western Tropical astrology does). To make things simple (since last month’s may have been a bit complicated for most of you non-astro types): if you were born at the beginning of a given sun sign read the horoscope for the sign before yours (for example, you were born July 30th and you’re an ‘early’ Leo, so read Cancer). If you were born towards the end of your sun sign just go ahead and read that sign. Right in the middle? Read the sign before yours.

ARIES
Your friendships are looking like “Friends” on acid these days. Some of your buddies are inspiring intense epiphanies in you while others are giving you a totally bad trip, dude. To top it all off, you’re in one of those ultra-mental states where it’s all about analysing and overcommunicating things. This may drive your cohorts crazy and leave you, well, alienated. The wave of motion in this sector of your life will continue throughout the year. It’s going to be all love-hate, so prepare for the best and the worst of times as camaraderie takes the front seat. This month, the best place for you would be at home. You can blossom, get closer to roommates, neighbors, lovers, etc. and do a little home improvement while you’re at it. Leave the socializing to the professionals.

TAURUS
You’re totally in your element this month. This is the time when the bull looks the matador straight in the eyes, shrugs his shoulders (or semblance of shoulders) and walks away, dispassionately in the other direction. You don’t have to fight. All the security you’ve ever craved or needed is on your doorstep. You’re in your good place and you can return to the pasture without being speared. You might feel that a certain tense work situation needs sorting out. If you’re compelled to put your energies towards it you’ll know, this month, to do so from a rational and stable mental place. And you’ll be able to communicate your thoughts better than ever. Even if you happen to look back at that feeble matador bowing and taking credit for taming you, you’ll be able to let it go and realize that you’re the silent but powerful one.

GEMINI
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who are the hottest twins of them all?” No, not those pesky Olsen sisters, you, my dear Gemini, you. The world turns its attentions to your sign this month, as your attractiveness expands and so does your pocketbook. At the end of the month you are about to see some payback for services rendered in the past. It may not be that million dollar Lotto ticket you bought, but even if it’s chump change rather than Trump change, you’ll be singing a happy tune for the summer. As July plays out into one giant eighties flashback with proverbial mirrors, admirers and money abounding, it will be difficult for you to figure out if there is any meat to this matter. Substance is missing from this equation, a spiritual or philosophical reasoning for your current state of affairs. This puzzle will preoccupy you for the rest of the year so bask in July’s moments of superficial satisfaction.

CANCER
Repeat after me, “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself,” “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself,” “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself.” Let these sacred Madonnian words be your mantra this month as you enter one of the most prime periods to don your vinyl catsuit, or diaper or whatever turns you on and explore the recesses of your hidden sexual psyche. You should be imbued with the added confidence to ‘walk the walk’ as expansive Jupiter nears the final stretch of its stay in your first house. That’s the house of you, baby. So, you should be all aglow with hot, saucy energy. Some words of warning: if you don’t find a way to channel this sexual energy it could, quite conversely, express itself in more prudish or bottled up tendencies, sort of, uh, well, like a virgin, you could say.

LEO
This month your partner can’t seem to understand where those little red horns on your head came from. You’re a psycho bitch or bastard and there’s no reasoning with you. If you’re single, this fiery nature could lead to some hot one-night-stands but anything that involves reasoning and communication is far beyond your grasp. Since you happen to be the hot ticket on the social scene this month, you could probably care less if some wimpering lovestruck fool is following you around, stepping on your heels while you trot off to the next friend fest. Your imagination is wild this month and this attracts just about everyone to you. Dreams are the key to solving this puzzle. Listen to every whisper of your heart and soul and you’ll be able to plant something amazing, even, perhaps (cringe) the seeds for a relationship in the coming months.

VIRGO
If I try to think of one suitable image to describe you this month, Virgo, it would undoubtedly be that of Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. Don’t worry, this is meant in the most positive of ways. Your Herculean force and bravado are enough to kick the globe like a soccer ball during a World Cup finals penalty kick. If you take advantage of this rigor and energy now it will launch you into a whole new career cycle. If you channel that energy in the wrong direction or let it make you fidgety and unfocused, you’ll end up at a slew of BBQ’s cavorting with a lot of drunken pals. No judgments here…it all depends on your priorities. Either way, most of July will promise a constantly ringing phone and tons of invitations. So, either way you look at it you’re set, whether you’re flinging the world over your shoulders, or a big slab of meet over a grill.

LIBRA
You’re a serious egg this month. You’ll approach only people and situations that can rise to your level of intellect or enlightenment. All those keg-pumping losers can put on their beer hats and leave the soiree as far as you’re concerned. It may be summer but Libras are more likely to gravitate towards bookstores than BBQ’s this July. Oh, you may try, in denial, to attend some ‘lesser’ functions but you won’t be able to fully enjoy yourself unless the company possesses a certain level of sophistication. This superior attitutde will actually help work matters, making you discriminating, elegant and apt to snare just about anything you set your mind to. Whatever you do, take advantage of everything that comes your way on this front, right now, because in the Fall your priorities will have shifted and work will no longer offer as many opportunities for growth.

SCORPIO
Dust off that cat o’ nine tales and pull the cobwebs off those crotchless panties. It’s high time you explored your deepest, darkest sexual fantasies. With Mars in your house of home this month (and for the rest of the year), passions could ignite at home, or, due to excessive tensions in the home, you could end up finding your greatest delights outside of the casa. Think, ‘love in an elevator,’ ‘mile high club,’ George Micheal’s ‘Outside’ video…Get creative and you’ll remember this month as one of the hotter ones. Meanwhile, towards the end of the month, a burst of excitement awaits you. It will either find you planning a trip into some exotic land, landing a publishing deal, or communing with God in a divine embrace. So, make sure you don’t blow all your chi early in the month so you have some left for the cosmos’ little gift.

SAGITTARIUS
“Love is in the air, everywhere you look around,” says the feel-good pop classic. Let it set the tone for your month. The new moon in your seventh house of relationships along with a friendly Venus placement in this house signal a time when existing partnerships can deepen while new ones get off (and I do mean “get off”) to a hot start. That’s because Jupiter is doing its final mating dance in your eighth house of intimate sexual partnerships this month. With all this activity you are bound to be getting some action. The only glitch is that all this passion between the sheets could cause you to be a hothead above them. Relax, smoke the proverbial post-coital cigarette and feel the love.

CAPRICORN
Step right up everybody! Last chance to get your summer fling out of the way! That’s right, this a limited time offer to all Capricorns. If you can step away from your preoccupation with keeping this organized, order and tidy for just one moment, July will go off with a romantic bang. That’s because Jupiter will spend just a few more weeks in your house of relationships, promising harmony, growth and plenty of opportunities for some educated booty. All this attention you’re putting into detail is really getting you nowhere. Your financial situation is close to being a mess and you know it. So, close the books and open your heart. You’ve got plenty of time to set all your finances straight. This part of your life will be taking up much of your attention throughout this year. But the Love Boat is setting sail for Puerta Vallarta after the summer.

AQUARIUS
This month, you’re a cross between Weird Al Yankovic and Richard Simmons. Please, don’t take this the wrong way and turn your back and cry (that’s not the aspect of Richard Simmons’ personality you’ll embody). You’re simply a hot little amalgam of wacky, jovial, punch-drunk fervor and you’ve got that crazy work-out queen zest for the bounce. Unlike these ‘b celebrities,’ you will be on everybody’s guest list and expect to get lots of attention from whichever gender you’re attracted to. Since you’ve got enough umph for ten Richard Simmons videos (minus the added Midwestern bulge) you should try to keep yourself in check and make sure you’re not over-doing it. The tendency, under this influence, is to get everything–and then some–done. Aquarius babe, it’s summer, you don’t need to be an over-achiever, in the words of your pop cultural spirit guide: “Just Eat It!”

PISCES
Something very strange is going on in Pisces-ville. It’s a place where fish swim in opposite directions, a land of contradiction. The planets are poised to present you with great social adventures this month. You’ve learned to lighten up and enjoy the party. Unfortunately, other signs point to a homebound existence. Which way to turn? Perhaps the answer is, and excuse me for being bourgeois, to entertain in your home. Every freeloader and interloper will be ringing on your doorbell as you balance a tray of hors d’oeuvres on one hand and a glass of bubbly in the other. Don’t resist the temptation to be giving. You have it in you and the summer months are a great time to explore it.