In order for children to have healthy relationships they need to have a sense of trust. This sense of trust comes at a very young age from knowing that people say what they mean and mean what they say. When that trust is broken, complexes begin and people get loopy.

Similarly, the U.S. has always been referred to as (not so much a child but) an adolescent nation. Prior to 9/11 we were very trusting which made us seem almost bratty and fearless in the eyes of the world. But today’s political climate has changed things. We hardly know what to believe. We can only assume that we’re being lied to or only being told a half-truth.

Never trust corporations because they’re just out to make money, some say. Yet, our beautiful country is being run like a corporation. The Halliburton/Enron ‘04 spoof Republican campaign bumper stickers just tell the surface of the story. And then of course New York City has a businessman mayor, Michael Bloomberg.

The point being that, when beloved folk singer and pop icon “Cat Stevens” (who now goes under the name Yusuf Islam) was apprehended yesterday trying to fly out of Europe and into the United States, there was a moment of pause for many. I think we wondered who to believe and how much of the story we were being told.

I have emailed the former “Catman,” in long-shot hopes of getting an interview, only because I would like to know the whole story, not just the one that’s being fed to us by the mainstream media. In any case, this man has certainly led a fascinating life. If you’re a fan or a collector, note that I’m auctioning his out-of-print, first edition, limited edition biography “The Boy Who Looked at the Moon,” on EBAY.

God bless America, and let’s add a little blessing in there for heroes like The Smoking Gun and Michael Moore for helping those of us adolescents who are too gawky and insecure, to question authority.

“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste death but once.”
-William Shakespeare (”Julius Caesar”)

FEAR makes us grasp for control when we never had it and never will.
LOVE is the effortless release of control, letting go of the the rational explanations that bind so we can experience life’s great mystery.

FEAR makes us try to protect ourselves. In creating this rigid shell of armor we also “protect” ourselves from passion, exquisite joy and pure truth.
LOVE is in and of itself divine protection. It takes care of us in a way that we could never take care of ourselves.

FEAR makes us treat others as separate and intruding, making us closed and limited to life.
LOVE lets us see others as like us and liberates us into the knowledge of the infinite.

FEAR makes us seek external forms of power that make us internally weak, dependent and addicted.
LOVE is its own subtle power, the internal strength to lay your soul bare because no matter what you manifest beauty.

I’ve recently been disturbed by a trend I’ve seen emerging out of (you guessed it) politics. Slanguage has gotten political. Just the other day I tried to describe how mercurial my moods have been lately and I found myself dubbing myself, “a flip-flopper.” When I was ‘talking shop’ with some girlfriends we decided that once a man displays himself as a “girley man” he’s gone over the line and is un-dateable. And of course, who can forget the periods in our life when we camped out alone in front of the tv and it took one of our good friends inviting us to a party to “smoke us out” of our holes.

I guess what bothers me the most is that the language is RepublicanSpeak (similar to the NewSpeak described in George Orwell’s “1984″). Then again, maybe just as the gays have appropriated the insult “queer” as a statement of empowerment, maybe that’s what we urban kids are doing with the lingo fo The Party.

One last thing that disturbs me, probably because my mind is in the gutter, is the oddly sexual connotations inherant in each of the above statements. Couldn’t a “flip-flopper” be a gay man who is both a “bottom” and a “top?” A “girley man” could certainly relate to half of that equation. And I’m not even going to touch “smoke them out of their holes.”

The other night I found myself once again debating a man over the canon of “beauty” of Pamela Anderson (see August BLOG) and why men want us to look like drag queens (inflated versions of womanhood). It made me feel bad about my own sensuality and looks. And suddenly I realized why the feeling of inadequacy was so deep in me that it drove me to scorn just one of many female physical styles.

I grew up in Los Angeles. From the moment I started going through puberty I was confronted with one “look” deemed “drop-dead gorgeous” by men: blondes with huge breasts. As a brunette with a small bust, it made me feel ugly. I don’t know if men can quite understand how aweful it feels to have your whole physicality judged against one canon of beauty, but trust some of us women, it stings in the same way that being told you have a small penis does. The idea is that if you don’t fit into that mold, you’re a reject. So, many women g dye their hair blonde and get breast implants just to serve society in hopes of the reward of being deemed “hot” or “fine.”

When I was about 16 I was fortunate enough to discover a sub-scene in Los Angeles that was not about the blonde-big-boobs aesthetic. The punk/glam/goth counterculture revered my canon of beauty: the exotic brunette who perhaps did not have double-D’s but a more slender, delicate figure (more French loooking, I guess). The scene was all about mystery, romanticism and uniqueness. Anything that the average Football jock would like (blonde swith big boobs) was revolting to them. I fit in really well, and felt secure.

When I lived in New York, I was also ’safe’ from this kind of aesthetic discrimination. The New York look was decidedly “Lois Lane” clad in black. Amsterdam was even better for my morale. They adored exotic women (they’re all blonde) and never seemed to have a problem with my petite endowment.

But after 2 years back in Los Angeles, my inner 14-year-old seems to want to creep out. Faced with Billboards everyday for clubs like Spearmint Rhino with pseudo drag queen women with buffante blonde locks and Russ Meyers-esque chests, I once again feel somehow ‘less than.’ Guess I’ll just have to find a way to appreciate my own beauty–Inner beauty, that is.

This is a continuation of a “series” I started (but never followed through with) months ago (starting with “Who is Beverly Tang?”). I do know some amazing people who are living their lives well and I want to celebrate this.

Bettina Santillan started out Bettina Alexander when I met her at Lycee Francais, a posh but strict French school in Los Angeles at the age of six. She was a “tough girl” even then. When I was a kid I was intimidated by her but that intimidation developed into respect.

Bettina is a person who lives her life for ‘real’ moments. She does not have the time to waste pandering to phoney people. Her friends can always count on her to speak her mind. She’s a Rock of Gibraltar, a true person and a survivor. I always know she will land on her feet.

The side of Bettina that not that many people know (because she is so discriminating that she lets few in) is that she is an incredibly deep person who nurtures hope at her core. She can perfectly balance a practical and grounded approach to the nitty gritty while also zooming back to take a broader view of the world at large. And, even though she is a ‘cat lady,’ Bettina rocks! And now she is GOOGLEable…

This is a busy month, folks. Mercury goes direct on the 2nd allowing progress and steps towards the future to once again be possible after three weeks of looking to the past. Pluto’s direct action this month takes a few weeks to sense. This will cause a deeper understanding of the self to manifest outwardly. Jupiter (after a year in sidereal Leo, the drama queen of the zodiac) changes signs to practical and mental Virgo. Changes should start to be felt in the second week of the month. And Saturn temporarily changes signs to settle in for a winter in sidereal Cancer, teaching us lessons that have to do with emotions and domestic affairs.

Watch for a lot of outward manifestations of things that have been brewing in the past few months. We had Venus retrograde for a while (a once every two years kind of experience) as well as Pluto and Mercury. Now the Sun (the ego, the outward) is running very closely with Mars (passion, fiery ambition). Action is the call of the day. Plow forward.

(January 15th-February 12th)
For the past couple of years health and work may have been challenging areas through which you grew and learned. Initially, in mid-2003, you may have been cursing these sectors in your life but as you got used to things, you found invaluable lessons in them. Saturn, your taskmaster (and ruler) is about to shift into another sector in your life, for the winter. Partnerships of all kinds may prove challenging yet extraordinarily rewarding (once you weather the challenges). This month gives you a little peek into that world as just about everything converges on your house of resources shared with others. This area may actually be quite satisfying and lucrative (think shared property, pets, business deals, joint bank accounts). It will give you the extra strength you need to battle the more profound emotional and psychological issues in the months to come, so use its energy well.

(February 13th-March 13th)
Everything is about him or her, that special partner in your life. And well, if you’re devoid of a partner it’s still about you and someone else (you and a co-worker, you and a boss, you and a family member). Relationships continue to be highlighted and get an extra kick after the new moon mid-month. Later this year you’ll be ready to deepen your commitment to “the other” by buying something together, or just emotionally being more present. By mid-month the sense of purpose in your relationship starts to unfold and you have a slow epiphany that sheds light on areas previously mysterious. All forces are aligned to make you the perfect mate as Venus moves into your house of duty and you are willing to jump through hoops to please your partner.

(March 14th-April 13th)
An old situation that has to do with your domestic life (home, contract, etc.) became the central focus for you at the end of last month. Things moved smoothly and you used your gut instinct to navigate through this well-worn terrain. Related to this, the month of September will be spent organizing planning and structuring this facet of your life. You will be in prime physical form to take on just about anything. Not to mention your creativity and enthusiasm abound giving you an edge on mere mortals. It will feel like you’ve got everything under control and are spot on especially when it comes to matters that need fixing, tweaking or structuring. A new harmonious energy is slowly seeping into your life and it will show itself more markedly later in the fall. This energy will make partnerships of any breed a lucrative and pleasant experience in the year to come.

(April 14-May 14)
September is due to be an action-packed month that promises its share of fun, adventure, partying and/or romance. Despite things going in a more heady and profound direction in the end of August, the movement is decidedly whimsical in September. On the 11th-13th some of that former intense energy may come back to give you and your lighthearted self a kick in the butt as you come face to face with any demons regarding intimacy that you might have crawling around. But overall, and especially during the second half of the month, creativity and fun are the call of the day. Enjoy this burst of childlike energy because the rest of the year is ushering in a more serious and work-obsessed era when you’ll have a difficult time cutting lose and spiting your nagging priorities and structures.

(May 15-June 14)
Now if you just had that perfect atelier, that perfect house, that perfect “you space” you could let it all hang out and be the rambunctious, creative, romantic individual you’ve always wanted to be. Live by these words this month. You are entering a crossover period. You’re putting the finishing touches on some domestic affairs that have been taking up all your mental energy. You know that if you plant the right seeds, make the right connections, fix the right problems, your Fall will be filled with the kind of childlike abandon that dreams are made of. The first half of the month sees you struggling in that domestic arena until after 13th when breakthroughs and new beginnings are possible. Once you iron out those issues on the 11th through the 13th expansion will not only be possible but unlimited. I know what you’re saying, part of this has been out of your hands–even financially. That will clear up through the middle of next year. For now, just focus on nurturing and organizing.

(June 15-July 15)
You’re an impeccable thinker, a rare communicator, someone who knows how to bridge divides and connect people. But in the last couple of years you’ve been challenged more than any other sign. This has made you much more somber and serious than usual (good for getting the job done, bad for being the life of the party). But this month, you can in fact be a little bit of both. All of your expert skills are going to be packing a whopping punch. If there’s ever been a time to be “out there” it’s now. You will be perfectly understood, eloquent and able to make the connections you need to make. In fact during the Fall and Winter, for a brief period, you might even feel like your old self. You’ll be revisiting some of the best qualities about yourself. But don’t get too stuck on any of this. You’re about to bust some serious moves in new directions. By the middle of next year, you’ll be moving all over the place and giving your identity a facelift. So enjoy, my friend, the comfort level you’ll have starting this month, in the return to the familiar “you” you always knew and loved.

(July 16-August 16)
Things got pretty serious or heavy at the end of last month with a behind-the-scenes liaison or a past issue in your psyche. Chances are it was a pleasant surprise due to Uranus’ (surprises) positive angle to Venus (love) and Saturn (karma/seriousness), and another positive angle between the energy planets and the Love/Karma duo. So, either something ended nicely, you learned something or you got swept away by serious emotion. Now as Venus moves into the first house, you’re as attractive as ever and about to learn a great deal about your own creativity and/or the way you enjoy the good things in life. This slow process starts now and you’re up for the challenge because you’re in that serious, philosophical state of mind (through the Winter). On another note, finances should be crowding your mind all month, especially after the 14th when a new moon graces your second house. There will be great opportunities to sort this aspect of your life out so don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

(August 17-September 16)
Repeat to yourself, “me, me, me,” and then etch it in stone. September will most certainly be a month of self-focus. Unlike most periods of self-reflection, this one occurs in your inner life as well as your outer/social life. Behind the scenes romance or exploration into your dreams and subconscious will put you on the exciting and intriguing path to enlightenment. Mars is running through your sign all month giving you extra energy to love, analyze, dream and loom large. A momentary face-off between you and your mother or a domestic partner or roommate between the 11th and 13th could leave you frazzled. But take a deep breath, the new moon mid-month in your very sign makes you the winner in every argument. Enjoy this solipsistic period while it lasts. The rest of the year shifts the focus into the realm of your possessions and that which you value.

(September 17-October 17)
Like geese in the winter, all your planets seem to be migrating in one direction. In your case that direction is the Western part of your chart, to a new cycle of self-development. You have gone through the trials and tribulations of connecting to the world outside you and are revving up for a cyclical transformation. This might be considered the crossover month. The Sun, Mars and Mercury converging in your house of the subconscious mean that something’s stewing in that there psyche of yours. Jupiter is heading into your sign, providing the opportunity for some major personal growth and lucky opportunities. Initially, as Pluto squares those three planets causing a 3rd house to 12th house contact, you’ll experience a stubborn tug-of-war between the urge to communicate and connect and the urge to retreat into your back room.

(October 18-November 15)
September will be the bridge between a very outward and social period and one of inward communications. Jupiter enters your 12th house of behind-the-scenes activity, the subconscious and confinement. On a career level you can expect to have the most success in areas where you are operating but not seen. Anything too flashy and outward will not be compatible with your stars. The area of friends and finances is a rough one this month. You may have loaned money to a friend or owe money to a friend and this could become a sore spot. If you can get things squared away now, without any flair-ups friendships can be patched up at the end of the month as a new cycle in this sector begins. All of this tension aside, 2005 is going to be one of the most expansive and soul-searching periods of your life when things can all come together or all fall apart. So enjoy some of this fun and frivolous month before the real work begins.

(November 16-December 15)
Expect career matters to reach a contentious head between the 11th and the 13th. Decisions have to be made in order to clear the path for the new moon on the 14th which will launch you into the lunar cycle you’ve been waiting for all year. With this moon will come an incredibly successful month where career matters are concerned so take advantage. You’ve got lots of planets stacked up in the 10th house of career as well. With Jupiter’s entry into your 11th house of ideals and global consciousness this could be your bridge from personal effort to outside validation and success. Between the 6th and the 10th Saturn will also make a pleasant sextile with Jupiter while being closely followed by Venus. Friendships and a serious sort of love could provide an expanded view of the world. What you once thought was possible is now just a drop in the bucket.

(December 16th-January 14th)
You’re an adventurous person with long-vision by nature. So the cosmos’ recent plans for you probably didn’t blind-side you. As a matter of fact you might have been anticipating something this intense to come along and whack you upside the head for a while. Partnerships have been a source of labor or stress for some time now but a recent breakthrough opened you up to different possibilities and solutions. Go with it. The more exotic, outlandish, profound or philosophical your thoughts or actions, the better result you will have on this momentous month, especially the second half. It’s your window of opportunity into the great pool of experiential knowledge. You’re about to learn things about yourself that will pleasantly startle you, and all of this is coming from that gift you have for examining and partking of the world and the people around you.